At some point in our inconsequential existence, we were just your ordinary apes: kickin it in trees, eating bananas and shit (just to be clear, no, I don’t mean we were eating shit). Everything changed when a bunch of spunions came to our island blaring strange sounds and strands of fire in the sky for something called Fire Festival 2. These strange beings seemed to be entranced, hypnotized by sonic beats. We observed from a distance and noticed the mood started to change. When their food and water went dry and their performers stopped showing up, these pompous savages began to devolve. The debauchery reached a fever pitch when one we could assume to be their chief, Ja Ruler, started screaming at everybody and demanding some dude suck dick for water. Idk, shit got pretty weird. Eventually, the scene turned into complete and utter chaos, leading all of them to frantically leave the island. The event turned out to be a disaster—for them, at least. After everyone fled, we started scavenging the wasteland those trust fund babies left behind. It was mostly deflated mattresses and baloney sandwiches with a scared spunion hiding in the crevices. We looked through their refugee tents until one of the alphas, Chorles, found a mysterious piece of luggage. He inspected it to ensure the safety of the rest of the apes before taking it back to his dwelling. Months had passed with very little sighting of Chorles, when he popped up out of nowhere, announcing that he needed some volunteers for what he called the “clinical trials.” The initial group of volunteers would become Chorles’ disciples. At first, us apes were wary, but Chorles’ disciples seemed to be in a tranquil state after every session.